• Michael Ruscoe

As deadly virus spreads, so does stupidity

The world is reopening, but morons are keeping America from healing.

All right, I’ve had it.

There’s been a lot of dumbassery flying around this country over the past six months or so as we’ve grappled with COVID-19. Most of it was either a) avoidable, as we’ve seen with how other nations have responded to the virus, or b) unnecessary, as we see with what other nations are doing now. A couple of months ago, I wrote a blog entry in which I explored the question of whether or not we as a country are too stupid to recover from the coronavirus. Well, it seems that I have my answer.

I’d like to go to a ballgame. I’d like to go to a drive-in movie. I’d like to visit family and friends, both in other states and in other countries. I have a friend in Ireland I’d like to visit. I have a friend in Canada I’d really like to visit. But check out this chart: it shows how our seven-day rolling average of new coronavirus cases stacks up against that of the European Union.

Yeah, I’m not going to be enjoying a freshly poured pint of Guinness in an Irish restaurant anytime soon. And yes, Ireland’s restaurants are opening, and I have it on good authority that, while the pubs aren’t open yet, they’re stocking up on kegs of beer, so I would think they’ll be opening soon.

While we’re looking at statistics, here’s a graph showing the daily number of new cases of COVID-19 in Canada. They’re below 500 per day. Let me say that again: They’re below 500 per day (yesterday, they had 232 new cases total). As I write this, yesterday we had more than 57,000 new cases here in the U.S. Honestly, it boggles the mind.

How did Canada manage to bring down their case load so quickly? The answer is simple: They weren’t dumbasses. They washed their hands. They socially distanced. They listened to medical experts. And they wore their masks.

Let’s focus on that last one for a second. They wore masks. And I mean everyone up there wore masks. Hell, even their Prime Minister wore a mask. Take a look:

You know what they didn’t do? They didn’t make up a bunch of dumbass horseshit about how wearing a mask is too uncomfortable, or how it makes it too hard to breathe, or—and this is my favorite—how wearing masks “takes away their freedom.” If you believe that last one, then I ask you to take another look at Canada. You’ll notice that they’re all free. They have a government established to guarantee and protect their freedom (just like we do), and their government told them that wearing a mask is the best way to defeat the coronavirus (just like ours did). And they all wore their masks and they didn’t bitch about it. As a result, they had 282 new cases of the coronavirus yesterday, while we had 57,474. (Are you arguing that it’s only because we have a larger population than they do? Guess again, Karen. The total number of coronavirus cases in the United States yesterday per one million people was 9,356. The total number for Canada? Eighteen. EIGHTEEN!)

My advice to Canada? Build a wall across your southern border. And make America pay for it.

Obviously, we’re doing something wrong. Seriously wrong. Like millions of other Americans, I sacrificed a lot over the past four months in an effort to protect myself, my family, my friends, and my fellow Americans from a danger the likes of which we’ve never seen in our lifetimes. And we made a dent in it. But now, a few of us (I’m looking at you, Florida, and the rest of the Sun Belt) are taking the sacrifices we all made and flushing them down the crapper.

At this point, I’m willing to sacrifice again if need be. I’ll turn on my TV and watch baseball being played in an empty stadium. I’ll forgo the drive-in, and any kind of movie theater, if I have to. I’ll even give up going to Ireland and Canada—not that either country is going to take in a guy with a U.S. passport right now anyway. I can’t say that I blame them. We’ve succeeded in becoming the pariahs of the civilized world. Right now, the scarlet letter we bear upon our chests stands for “AMERICA.”

BUT—if we have to make another round of sacrifices to beat this thing, I’m willing to do it. So read carefully. This is what we’re gonna do:

  • We’re going to stop acting like a bunch of whiny little snowflake crybaby bitches, and we’re ALL going to wear our masks when we go out in public.

  • We’re going to social distance, and we’re going to wash our hands often.

  • We’re going to make our schools safe for our kids, and we’re not sending them back until we’re certain that it’s safe to do so.

  • We’re not going to stand for having the Orange Idiot in the White House a) ignore the advice of his own health officials and b) order the CDC to change the guidelines for returning students to school. It couldn’t be more painfully obvious that he’s doing this in an effort to make everything look “normal” during a presidential campaign season. I, however, won’t allow him to sacrifice my child’s safety just so he can make a desperate Hail Mary attempt at winning re-election.

  • We’re going to vote in November, all of us, and get said Orange Idiot out of the White House for good.

  • We’re going to stop pretending that the coronavirus will go away just because we’re tired of being inconvenienced by it.

You know, I wrote two or three really angry blog posts in a row during the lockdown, and I thought I had gotten over that. I thought I had found a voice where I could address the pandemic with a strong point of view but mix it with a touch of humor here and there. And while millions and millions of people are doing what we need to do as a nation to fight the virus, there are still a bunch of you out there who are just being complete morons. For God’s sake, knock it off already. Too many people have gotten sick and died, and too many are continuing to get sick and die. The more you dumbasses keep up the dumbassery, the longer this disaster will linger.

I fully expect to be able to write about comic books or movies or baseball or something like that next week. Don’t disappoint me.

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